My good friend Bob Puckett was going on his usual evening walk, breathlessly trying to keep up with his dog Zany. Bob was enjoying the cool night air when suddenly, he heard a voice.

“Help me! Help me!”

Bob looked all around, but saw no one there. So he continued on. But then, once again, came the pleading voice.

“Help me! Help me!”

This time, Bob looked down and saw a small green frog sitting by his feet. He bent over and picked up the little frog, and looked at it. Suddenly, the frog spoke.

“Please help me!” the frog said. “You see, I am really a beautiful princess who has been turned into a frog by a wicked witch. If you kiss me, I will turn back into a princess, and I will love you and kiss you and adore you and…well, you can use your imagination.”

Bob took a long moment to think about this. But then, as if to ignore the invitation, he took the frog, stuck it in his top pocket, and continued on his way.

The little frog looked up from inside Bob’s pocket. “Hey! You! Is something wrong? Why won’t you help me? Why won’t you kiss me and let me become your beautiful princess?”

Bob looked down at the little green frog.

Then he said, “Frankly honey, at my age, I’d rather have a talking frog!”

In a certain town, there were three churches – a Methodist Church, a Presbyterian Church, and a Baptist Church. These three churches decided to set up a competition to see which of them had the better message for attracting new converts. The only limitations placed upon the contest were that each church had to set up a booth in front of it, and the only communication that could come out of that booth had to be non-verbal. No one could say anything, but they could print out a message and pass it out as strangers walked by. So the competition began, and a month later, the results were tallied.

The three churches got together to find out the winner.

The Methodist minister said, “We received three new members by passing out a flyer that said, ‘Come to our church, and we’ll help you get to heaven!’” All the Methodists cheered.

The Presbyterian minister said, “We got ten new members with this flyer that said, ‘Come to our church, and we’ll help keep you out of hell!’” The Presbyterians, of course, did not cheer over this good news because they are God’s frozen people and would not want to be confused with Methodists. But one of them was seen to almost crack a smile.

Then the Baptist preacher got up.

“How many new members did you get?” the others asked.

“495!” said the preacher.

Both the Methodists and Presbyterians gasped! “Four-hundred and ninety-five? How in the world did you get 495 new members?”

The Baptist minister replied, “We passed out a flyer that said, ‘Free Ham and Bean Supper Tonight!’ and they just came”

Baptists are known for their church suppers!

Maybe that’s why there are more Baptists than there are people!